I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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