Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think i have two assholes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
