She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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