Do you still have your period?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
