We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
