Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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