im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
