oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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