I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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