I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
