Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
