I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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