I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
