And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
