dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
