Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
