1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
