Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
