You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
