lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
