someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
