Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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