Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
