On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
