Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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