my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to calm my uterus...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
