i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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