I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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