i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
