Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
