I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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