Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
