i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
