Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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