I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
