One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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