her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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