I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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