It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
