Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We don't watch enough power rangers
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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