Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
