Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
