Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
