The maid of honor just puked.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize