I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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