You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
