Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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