We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
