My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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