the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Welp...herpes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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