I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
