mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
