I feel like abortions should bother me more
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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