He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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