So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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