Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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