I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
