do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
