$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
