if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
