Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
