the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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