what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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