take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
