he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
