...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
false alarm, still single
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
