if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
