Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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