God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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