I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
