Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
