Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're like the curious george of whores
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
