I am in a vortex of obligation.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
