even my farts smell like vagina
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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