IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
