We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
